I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You are the jesus of drinking
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
