Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
