I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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