Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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