it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
