I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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