How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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