The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
