This is not my ceiling
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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