im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
