Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i think i just lost a toe
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
