The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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