Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
