I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
