I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
