I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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