my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
