is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
