This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
