Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
