when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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