dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
