Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My ATM looks so different sober.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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