i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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