i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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