All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
