operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
