hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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