I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
