I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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