is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
