im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
