I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sorry about my life...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
