Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it's like iHOP with fire
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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