Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
