I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
