I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
