chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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