Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
