I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
