She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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