Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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