I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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