The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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