Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
