Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
