The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
