Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
