I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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