I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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